From Present to Past:
I’d like to begin this in-depth look at Brokenness by saying I’m feeling elated, after coming through a soul-wrenching time. God works like that, doesn’t He? He brings us through trials in order to prune, shape, enrich us – And He sets us free from situations we create or think we must bear. Saying that, I choose to reflect on the past lessons of my recent Tunnel Experience to share them so that others whom God may lead through the Tunnel will be better prepared.. I like also to exchange experiences and lessons with others. For each of us, the learning curve never ends. That’s part of the excitement and challenge of our Christian journey…. But for now, I’ll talk about the Tunnel.
How I Entered the Tunnel: The issue of Time Management…
Or rather time unmanageable.
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by your “to do” list? Well, I had an Ah Ha moment about my “to do” list that initiated my Tunnel experience.
I entered a spiritual Tunnel last autumn, when I realized I could NEVER keep up with the amount of work I believed I had to do. I’d started a publishing business, based on God’s leading; my hubby asked me to work on a healthy vending business . I’m a wife and mother and follower of Jesus, all of which take commitment and time. I’d developed the tendency to stay up late, or wake up early (or sometimes both) in order to try to keep up with everything. Then, in one moment, I suddenly admitted: I have no time for myself, no time to relax, no quality time at all, to live, breathe, move.
At the time, I was physically healthy (ah, typically feeling a bit overweight, and as well, a little bit tired), but I crashed – in my mind and heart – realizing I just had more that I wanted to do than I could possibly do. That ‘crash’ was a blessing in that it would eventually release me into a different perspective, but of course initially, I didn’t feel released or relief. Initially, I felt despair and disappointment. Though my “Ah Ha” moment would eventually free me to give myself permission to stop trying so hard to do everything on my “to do” list, at first I felt the pain of lost hope, a lost dream, and I had to wrestle briefly with a bit of bitterness too.
Have you ever felt God lead you to something, or ask you to do something, and then you felt you couldn’t do it and He’d left you to flail about on your own? I felt a bit like that at the crisis moment, when I first realized I could not do all I thought I had to do. Then, I admitted He hadn’t really mandated everything I was trying to do, and that there was quite a bit of My Will mixed onto the “to do” list. Though I felt disappointed and alone, I confessed to myself that God had not abandoned me and that somehow I’d burdened myself.
Honesty with ourselves and with God is so important in our journey, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s hard to face our mistakes, but thankfully, we serve a God who is kind, compassionate and full of love. He actually brings us to moments of realization so that he can free us from unnecessary burdens. Jesus’ words ring in my mind often,
“My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30 NKJV from Bible Gateway)
I admitted that, in order to have a good quality of life with my family, I’d have to let go of a part of my work that I loved. At first I felt a deep sense of loss and sadness. But that gave way to relief over only a few days. I had told myself it was God’s work but really it wasn’t. Being honest with myself, rather than being resentful toward God, proved to be a good choice.
Have you been through God’s refining fire? Perhaps you’re still there. Or maybe you made a huge discovery through it that has transformed your thinking and deepened your relationship with Him. Will you consider sharing so that others can be encouraged too?
Fire is hot – and burns can hurt. But fire also offers a means for warmth, food and protection. How has God’s refining fire affected you or a loved one, demonstrating His grace, release and love?